I haven’t posted in awhile & a lot has happened…but today I am feeling inspired to write.
The last two months have been horrendous. I don’t want to go into details. I’ll just say I think we are on the other side of it, but from the end of August until about a week ago, there was a lot of stressful then scary things going on. One day, I’ll give the details. However, for now…I am just trying to restore order in my life and home for my traumatized family. We’re just getting back to something close to our normal.
All that being said…
This morning, I took this picture of myself as I listened to two mothers talk about how their kids were once preemies. One is in Juliana’s dance class and the other’s child is a 20 year old athlete. For 30 minutes, I sat there in silence as they compared NICU stories (both less than 3 weeks), saying things like “omg it was horrible, she needed a ventilator for 2 days”, “I watched my daughter turn grey countless times”, “She wasn’t latching and they said she would need a feeding tube…could.you.even.imagine? That’s for like…REALLY sick kids”, etc…discussing how hard it was to deal with EI because one kid needed a little OT. I stayed silent while they said how “you know I love success stories like ours” and how difficult it is to deal with the fact that their children will always be smaller because of their experiences as preemies for a few weeks. I listened and scrolled through my phone until one of them turned to me, as I was not participating in the conversation to say “you can’t even imagine how bad it was…watching your kid attached to machines…all those bells and whistles…no one could EVER understand how hard that was…”  and I smiled as to agree and walked outside quietly for some air. Fortunately, I had been texting a fellow mtm mom who I know understands completely and she made me laugh as I thought how ironic it was for that woman to say that to me. These women were laughing and gasping at the thought that there were babies on ventilators with feeding tubes while I have those machines and more currently attached to my son or in his room.
Look, I don’t doubt that their experiences were tough. Seeing your child going through anything with health concerns is horrible. One day or 120 days (+ 14 days at rehab) or 3 years would still suck. However, I can’t help but laugh. Maybe it was the arrogance, maybe it was the ignorance…but to say that no one understands. You’re right…I wish I could understand at only your level. The same way that I am sure there are parents that have had worse experiences than me…there are some parents that would give anything to have what I have right now. I know that for sure. So, no, I don’t expect anyone to understand what I’m feeling and you’re right, no one understands what you’re feeling either. I know most can’t unless they are in the exact same situation and even then…they understand it differently. However, I also feel like I am at a level where I don’t even need to add into that type of conversation. Part of me knows that while that was an opportunity to educate, it most likely would have made all involved uncomfortable and a awkward silence would have ensued afterwards.
All that being said, my message of the day to everyone is think before you speak. There are people who have it worse and people who have it better…you’re surrounded with other humans and you have no idea what they are dealing with. Your experience isn’t the best or the worst. Be humble and make the most out of your blessings.Â
jesmogrego 