2009 vs 2019

…2009 vs 2019…

It’s so much more than a before and after pic. In the last 10 years, I’ve been busy.

In early 2009, I changed so much about my life. I changed careers by leaving business to work at a preschool. I had just ended a toxic relationship and started seriously dating this guy I had met up with the day after Christmas ‘08. I went back to graduate school for the second time.

My father passed away in July of ‘09. On his death bed, I promised to make him proud. As my mother helped me get through my sorrow, she told me that no matter what I do in life, they will both always be proud of me. I should just follow my dreams.

Over the next years, I achieved my double masters in General Education/Special Education (making me have 3 masters in total when you include my first). I got my position as a Special Education teacher with the DOE at a school that I am still employed at. I worked hard, got tenured, and got numerous certificates, licenses and awards for my work/learning with special needs and social/emotional learning.

I moved in with that guy…got engaged, got married, went to Spain…and we started trying to create a family together.

We tried IUI. 3x. We finally tried IVF and created the most perfect gifted and talented embryo that would later become our incredible daughter. We got a dog to start our parenthood journey and waited impatiently for our princess to be born. She truly gave me life from her start. I had dreamt of her for many years before her birth and she brought every dream to life.  (I had also dreamt of another baby…one that I was always saving from danger…crazy, but true) The only thing I wanted more was for my daughter to have a sibling.

So we tried again…and again…and again. 5 failed IVF transfers (fresh/frozen). We finally got pregnant in between there…with what I will always believe was a son. Unfortunately, he left us before we could officially find out.  My body was wracked with exhaustion and loss. I prayed for my boy…prayed for God to give him back to me. Little did I know, but my husband was doing the same. We finally gave up on IVF for a beat, acknowledging that this just wasn’t the right time. We got a cat and tried to relax…

2 months later, all on our own, we were pregnant again! This time, it was a boy and he was stronger. He was a perfect pregnancy…well, until the very end when there were some complications.

In the past 19 1/2 months since his birth, my incredible son has given me more lessons than I could count.  I learned how to be a nurse, a doctor, a social worker, a researcher, a teammate, an advocate, a phlebotomist, a referee, a child psychologist, an educator on his disease, a care giver, an office manager, a scheduler…I can go on, because my roles are ever changing and growing. I’ve prayed like I had never prayed before. I hit rock bottom and picked up my boot straps and kept walking tall for the sake of my family. I learned that when the going gets rough, you can only depend on yourself to get through it. I learned through my children the meaning of resilience. They also taught me the meaning of life.

My children have changed my life. They’ve given me my purpose for living. My husband has become my best friend and the greatest teammate I could ever wish for. Our children’s love for us and each other is so pure, and they are both always smiling…so I know we’re doing something right.

So I may not look exactly the same, but I don’t care. I’ve earned every grey hair, every wrinkle and every flaw. I think I look damn good for all I’ve gone through in the past 10 years. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago because I’ve evolved. I used to be a people pleaser. After a long time of understanding and living in survival mode, I no longer put what people think at the forefront and focus on what’s really important instead. With so much more on my plate, I am even more reliable because I also know when to say “no” and I try my best to temper expectations. My mother continues to tell me that she is proud of me and the mother I have become. I learned so much by her example about love and motherhood… and am so thankful for the life I lead, despite how difficult it can be. I am now just looking forward to what the next 10 will bring!